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How to get replies to your online dating messages

Warning: This article is for men only. It’s very direct and you may find it offensive and insulting. If you do then this article is exactly what you need to improve your online dating experiences.

  • Are you sending messages and getting no replies?
  • Do you feel you are being ignored?

In this article I will explain what most men are doing wrong and how you can improve your chances of getting replies.

Most guys are lazy! If you are getting no replies then it’s very likely you are too. If you take offence at this then stop reading now. If you can be open and subjective and willing to learn then read on. It’s the men who make the effort get the replies and dates! In addition you also need to smart, educated and articulate. If you are not then you at least need to pretend you are.

Most guys are unrealistic

For some reason many men think online dating is different to normal dating. They think that online dating is automatic, instant and easy. In addition they think normal looking guys get to date super models.

Know your league and limits

How handsome are you? Physical appearance is critical in online dating as you don’t get to use your other skills during an introduction. It’s a cold and aggressive arena where it’s all too easy to reject people.

Search for men local to you using the image option and look at each face and decide if you are better looking or not. Look at 50 faces and see how you do.

50Wow, your super hot and likely a lier with no idea of reality. Stop reading now, there is no hope for you at all.
35Above average
15Below average
0Honesty is your strong point but online dating may be a real challenge for you.

Now you have an idea of where you stand with respect to the competition you need to focus your messages on women that rank similar to yourself. But in reality, you should really be aiming lower as women get far more attention on dating sites than men.

If at this point you think this doesn’t apply to you then you’re wrong. Think about this for a minute. A stunning woman will get about 200 messages per day from men, she will look at the pictures and delete or ignore most of them and reply to just the best looking. She doesn’t have the time to answer all the messages and when she is getting attention from super handsome men why would she bother with an average guy. After 24 hours those ignored messages are now lost under a pile of 200 fresh new messages.

You also need to consider a similar process with respect to age and body type. If she has a super fit hard body and your a bit chubby then forget it. If she is 18 and you’re 50 then get real.

Work on your profile

Next up is your profile. This needs to be complete or your message efforts will be wasted. That means a tag line, a bio and most importantly a picture. I could write pages and pages on this but the basics include, a picture with you smiling that is well lit and of a high quality. Don’t try and look cool, don’t try and look like a gangster, anything other than smile you will just look a dick head. You also need a complete bio and tag that’s interesting and exciting.

The messages

Now and only now can you start to send some messages. I review messages as part of my role in running the site and most guys use messages like this:
  • Hi
  • How u doing?
  • Hey sexy, wanna hook up?

What do you think? Are these good messages?

They are all appalling. They are all too short. They are all generic. They are all lazy.

Don’t use slang and text speak. U is you. Wanna is not a word, it’s ‘would you like to’. If you don’t have a grasp of correct English then you really should have studied harder in school. That aside, you need to use well formed and correct sentences. If you sound educated then an educated girl will feel comfortable and an uneducated girl will be glad of someone different to the usual losers she dates. Thinking you’re cool with street language is a mistake.

The next lesson is a subject that is taught to all sales people. It’s the skill of asking an open question. That is a question that doesn’t have a yes, no or no / limited response reply option. If we take the three previous examples:

QuestionExample reply
How u doing?Okay
Hey sexy, wanna hook up?No

Your message must contain questions as your aim is to start a conversation. All of the above examples create dead ends, they do not start a conversation. More on this later.

As mentioned these messages are lazy. Most men send the same standard message to every girl, over and over again. Imagine what happens to the girls with 200 messages per day. About 190 of them are, ‘hi’, ‘how are you?’ If you send something different you will make an impression.

Read her profile, look at her picture & interests

Take your time to do your home work. Find out everything you can from her profile and include these details with your message. It shows that you have taken the time to compose your message. But remember the first lesson about limits and league. You need to invest time writing your messages so don’t waste it on a girl that would not even look at you if you were at a bar or club.

You also need to use some methods used by professional writers. It’s important to get the first few words of your message right. You need a headline or hot button statement to get her to continue reading.

Example 1:
WARNING: This message may be too hot to handle!
You have fetish & fantasies as an interest on your profile. Do you have a submissive side you would like to explore? Do you like the idea of being firmly tired up and teased and pleasured until just cannot take any more?

Example 2:
TOP SECRET: Between you and me only!
I saw that you have affairs selected as an interest on your profile. I’m also looking for a discrete relationship. Do you like high quality restaurants and luxury hotels? Can you slip away for weekend of pure pleasure and indulgence?

I tested these messages out with a profile which included a complete description. The description was also tuned to match the messages. It was sent to 25 women who had been on the site within the past 24 hours. Here are the results

Example #SentOpened% Replied

Replies to message 1

  • I would love that please
  • I have a very submissive side yes, in fact I am a sub xx
  • Yes I want all that ^^ ;)
  • Yes I do very much
  • yes sir

Replies to message 2

  • There is always a possibility. Send me an email to .....
  • I am in the states sorry I am not rich but happy I am just on here for fun
  • Okay cool but I will like to know more about it can we chat more?
  • Wow doesn`t everyone??

Why do these messages work?

The first part of the messages gets attention, TOP SECRET or WARNING will at least get the recipient to read the next few words. The following words need to draw them in further. Once a person has read a few lines of your messages they will likely read the rest of it. It’s like watching a movie, if you watch the first 30 minutes you usually stick it out until the end. The only exception is the ‘Mummy Returns’, that film is so bad that even though I bought the DVD I turned it off midway through and to date, have never seen the end!


To get replies to your messages on our site or any of our other brands is straight forward. You need to use good English (or your local language) and send messages that match the other persons interests. The messages also need to be engaging and give the other person a reason to reply.

Try it out today and see if you can improve on the reply rates from this experiment.

Final comment

There will be guys who have read this far and still think non of this applies to them. That’s great as these are undatable idiots and they actually help the good guys get dates.

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